Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
