She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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