She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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