JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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