I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize