nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
