dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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