Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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