uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Randomize
