So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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