The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sext me about skeletons
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
