do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
