Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
