What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
