Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
