halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
