I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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