FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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