Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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