I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
