So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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