It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
