She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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