So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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