i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
