well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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