I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize