I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
