party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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