My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
