...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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