alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
