you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
how drunk are you?
Several
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
