can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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