Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
