your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize