either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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