You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize