Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
