I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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