By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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