this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
