i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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