At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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