question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
