Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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