My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
