trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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