I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
