If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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