The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
