I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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