You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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