Umm I'm too high to move.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
