I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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