Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
