areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just pynch a tree in the face
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
