he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
