My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
