I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
