Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
