Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
