I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
