My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
