cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize