He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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