i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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