your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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