I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
