Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
