Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
