drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
FUCK WHALES
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
