also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
