made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You've changed since you got that strap on
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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