I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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