i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
