He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize