Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
