Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
