make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
