Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
