Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
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