You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
