do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
