Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
