He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
